The Party
by Hotladykisses
Summary: Florrick-Agos are having their first holiday party; Will hates Alicia's guts; Kalinda is back to acting all badass; and Alicia is not sure what she wants anymore. Meanwhile, she has to buy the flowers for the party. Spoilers: alternate version of episode 100 "The Decision Tree" (5x10).


Author's note: Written for sweetjamielee's 2014 Summer Ficathon. Prompt: Alicia- "Mrs. Florrick said she would buy the flowers herself." Somewhat inspired by Clarissa Dalloway and Alicia Florrick's quite similar experiences in life and denial.

* * *

"Mrs Florrick said she would buy the flowers herself", Clarke told the intern who was checking off the things left to do for the Florrick Agos holiday party. At least, Clarke believed Alicia had said so. After everyone had finished pressuring her into inviting her husband, the Governor, to make sure their party would be a success, Alicia looked ready to explode. Of course, there was also that ongoing case about her inheriting twelve million dollars from a former client. That had been an awkward court session earlier that day with Will Gardner as opposing counsel, glaring at Alicia like he wanted to strangle her right in front of judge Dunaway.

Oh, well - Clarke didn't give it much more thought. He was still emotional about his first successful cross-examination in court. Today was the first day of the rest of his life as a true lawyer. And it was impossible not to be distracted when Cary looked so cute in pink, acting all grown-up in spite of his boyish smile...

oOo

Kalinda had put her badass armor on. She was all black leather and boots and huge sunglasses, chasing Will's shady new recruit around the city, and driving at top speed. She didn't care about much anymore. Once Alicia had admired her self-confidence and was amused by her provocative ways. Once they had been friends. There was even that time when... Better not go there now. Since the whole « you slept with my husband » thing had come out, everything was over. Kalinda had no words for disasters of this magnitude, so she had kept on silently being Alicia's guardian angel, hoping she would calm down and things would get better eventually. They never did. Right now, the whole fucking universe was nothing but a huge joke.

oOo

Alicia had to be in court at nine tomorrow, and she had to buy those stupid flowers. Who needs _flowers_ at a Christmas party anyway? There was a time when she was a perfect host, but tonight, all she had in mind was Will's murderous sideways look earlier in court. If she ever gave him the chance, he was going to take out on her all the anger he had accumulated since she had left his firm with some of his clients to start her own business with Cary. She had to brace herself: things _couldn't_ get personal in front of all these people. And yet, so many memories threatened to... Alicia took her phone. She didn't care about flowers right now, and since she had already been forced to invite her mother-in-law, no doubt Jackie would be delighted to order the centerpieces or whatever else the party required.

oOo

"I don't do charm" said Kalinda to the corrupt female police officer who had arrested her several hours ago. What Kalinda meant was "I don't do charm _anymore_." That was before Alicia. Before thinking twice about charming and fucking her way to what she wanted. But what difference did it make? For all Alicia cared... Why not charm her way out of that damn police car instead of spending the night in jail?

oOo

Will hated Alicia with a passion. He tried to keep cool while preparing his line of questioning for court, but all his questions about the client seemed to bring him back to his own love affair with Alicia. He wished he could break her with a few choice words as easily as she had broken his heart one time too many. His own accusations were ringing in his ears - undue influence. _You were _joking_, saying he was in love with you and would do anything you asked - you're saying that was a _joke_?_ Had it been a joke to give her a job when nobody would? A joke, to give her his heart, his trust ... even if by loving her he had exposed his career to Peter's ire and ended up suspended from practicing law for a time?

_Did you ever love me at all? You made me believe that so you could steal my clients! _

The strangest thing was, he remembered perfectly the first time she had broken his heart, back at Georgetown. It was a scorching summer day. She had met some guy named Peter Florrick - from old money, probably on his way to becoming a Senator or something. Will couldn't believe she was leaving him for this Peter guy and kept asking: "Tell me the truth". But he might as well have been talking to a rock. Finally, she said "It's no use. This is the end." And then she left.

The worst part of it was that he never could stop loving her. She had dumped him (twice), betrayed him, stolen his clients. And he missed her every second of every day just the same. He'd probably still do anything for her, given half a chance.

oOo

Leaving the police officer's apartment and bed with mixed feelings about herself, Kalinda realized that she had slept with a blonde woman tonight despite the obvious lack of chemistry between them, not just to get what she wanted, but mainly because she reminded her nothing of Alicia Florrick.

oOo

Alicia had defeated Will in court. Not with pleasure, but there was always the satisfaction of winning a case. And also the one of not letting her emotions take over. Tonight had to be all about the party. Peter was coming, that creepy murderer Sweeney was coming - Eli was not happy about it - Jackie was coming, and so was her own mother Veronica. Alicia was not so happy about it either. Surely there was a way to prevent those four from meeting when eight hundred people were expected at the party? Jackie's flowers were perfect though.

The decorations reminded Alicia of Christmas time at Highland Park when the kids were little, how they had fun decorating the big house and the Christmas tree together, and how Peter used to hang mistletoe from the living-room doorframe so he could lure her under it and kiss her. They had been in love once. Then they had drifted away, and now he was nothing more than her occasional sex partner because it was easy. But he could be President some day. Would she stay with him and be the First Lady of the United States? Was she ready to be _that_ good a wife to a man she didn't love anymore?

She thought about Will, how different his kisses were from Peter's. Will had been a dilemma right from the start at Georgetown. She liked the person she was in Will's eyes. She loved him. But something between them kept her from committing for good. Peter was safer. With him, she knew she could be a good wife and a good mother, everything her own messy and careless mother had never even tried to be.

Poor Will. He can never know how much I actually miss being young and full of hope again, more than being in his arms.

There was something far harder to forget than the burning kisses and steamy nights with Will. There was the one thing she refused to acknowledge, but that wouldn't leave her alone - the memory of the one time in her life when she had kissed a woman. That single moment was probably the happiest one in her whole life, although she would absolutely deny it. Kalinda's lips were maddeningly soft; her passionate kisses had left her shivering with desire; her eyes of liquid darkness had remained unreadable. Alicia thought she had kissed Kalinda because the investigator was the only one who expected nothing from her. It was a happier time in their relationship then. Alicia had been drawn to her from day one of course. But the kiss was a mistake. She was married, and she was not really that kind of person. She couldn't be.

One night, no repercussions She couldn't handle discovering that Kalinda had slept with Peter, and everything had gone spiralling out of control from there. She wanted her, resented her, hated her so much that she had driven Kalinda out of her life entirely. She could tell Kalinda was in pain, had offered to reconcile - she was in pain too - but had never been able to act on it. She had slept with Will but he was not really what she needed; had been jealous of any woman anywhere near Kalinda, and now her heart was a like a stone - heavy and cold in her chest.

She was the Governor's wife, a future President's wife maybe. She was a successful lawyer running her own firm. She had principles. Kalinda slept with married people. Kalinda came from a different world. Kalinda was not an option.

There were a dozen excellent reasons why Kalinda was not supposed to be an option. But sometimes, when she didn't pay attention, Alicia knew she was madly in love with her. Kalinda was a woman of few words, yet fun and thoughtful. She had always protected her and acted in her best interest, without ever asking for anything in return. Alicia tended to wait for someone to save her and do what needed to be done for her, but Kalinda had a way of making her fend for herself. She was a better person with her and together they were a good team. And God, Kalinda was gorgeous.

Alicia had barely even touched Kalinda. She had just kissed her that one time, yet Kalinda's reaction had left her burning with desire for days. She wanted her more than she had ever wanted anyone in her life. What if she just divorced Peter and tried to go for what would make her feel alive again?

(But would Kalinda want her?)

oOo

Eli wondered where Alicia had gone: she was nowhere to be seen at her own party, although she had been there moments ago to greet Peter and Democratic bigwig Donna Brazile (and Chicago drug lord Lemond Bishop for God's sake!), as well as various other guests such as Jackie and Veronica, who were presently bickering over a drink... Oh good, the kids were coaxing their grandmothers away from each other. Marilyn was annoying the hell out of him with her ridiculous pregnancy baby sound-system. Now Veronica was paying attention and asking about the future little brat. Who cared? A boy, big deal. He was going to be called... _Peter_?! Eli choked on his drink.

oOo

Where could you get a moment of peace at your own crowded party? Alicia needed to get out for a breath of fresh air. She had just talked to Will on the phone. She wouldn't become a millionaire thanks to a crazy client after all. Waiting for the freight elevator, Alicia wished things were simpler with Will. She did care about him, even if she didn't love him the way he wanted. Will's voice had been carefully neutral and polite on the phone, but she could feel sadness, for what was no more, stretching between them.

Alicia stepped into the elevator. Irrationally, she thought of Kalinda again. She wished she were here. The investigator had no reason to come, since there was no way she was on the guest list. If she were here though, Alicia could drink her in and maybe catch a whiff of her perfume, quietly burning for her while pretending not to see her.

The old elevator's door opened, and Alicia found herself dumbstruck. Kalinda was standing there, her lips curved into a minute half-smile, impossibly lovely. Alicia was speechless. Her heart started to race. « Hi. » said Kalinda.

Alicia had meant to say "Hi, how are you?" Safe and polite. "What are you doing here?" maybe. She opened her mouth and said: "I love you." She felt her cheeks become pink with confusion but realized those were the truest words Kalinda had heard from her in years. Her knees weakened a little but she held Kalinda's puzzled obsidian gaze, took her hand, and put it on her madly beating heart. Slowly, a frail ray of hope dawned on Kalinda's lovely face. Answering Alicia's unspoken question, she said : "Yes." And broke into a smile.


End file.
